Went into school and explained the situation. They were really good about it and said that really they were expecting it to happen sooner or later (in a “we’re sorry to see you go” rather than a “good riddance” sense).

The upshot of that meeting is that I will not now be going back into school, although due to notice requirements they will continue to pay me until 31st December.

Am feeling a sense of relief and exhaustion now. Am not happy that I had to give up teaching as it looked for a while like I could actually do it and be quite good, but am glad that my departure could be sorted with minimal bad feeling on anyone’s part - indeed it was commented on the profesionality with which I dealt with the situation and they appreciated my honesty in dealing with it now rather than trying to be a hero.

So… two months to get myself better and find something else to do with my life…

So the cheerful thing didn’t last. The meeting went as well as such a meeting could be expected to and I thought I could come back and do it.

Tuesday I only taught two hours and they should have been easy lesons to teach, but no. I came away from them feeling like I’d just run a marathon and wanting to cry. And I had a massive acute relapse of vasculitis all afternoon and couldn’t work.

The result of this is that I have decided to quit teaching - I was struggling too much and although I could potentially have struggled through the return of the vasculitis has pretty much eliminated that. I’m stuck in a vicious cycle where I can either work hard enough to pass the programme or I can relax enough to keep the vasculitis under control.

At the momnt I’m somewhat aprehensive as I have a meeting in an hour and a half in which I shall be letting the school know that this is my intention. I have already informed TeachFirst that I am leaving and have taken some advice from them on the best way to proceed.

While this is obviously not the outcome that anyone wanted I am at least feeling slightly relieved that I have actually managed to get up the courage to make the decision and not to simply ignore it until I get sacked.