My mood has taken a crash again. Is odd that, despite having had a good week away, the second I returned from camping it felt like I had never been away and that the week had happened to a different me in a dream or distant memory.

I slept disastrously last night with lots of vivid dreaming involving my being injured or dying. My entire head feels like it’s on back to front, I can’t concentrate on anything and I feel so damn tired. It was an enormous effort to get out of bed this morning and I can’t get enthused about anything.

I think the time may have come to be honest with myself that this isn’t “just going to go away once I sort my life out a bit” as I’ve been telling myself for the last five years or so.

Right now I could really use a hug and some downtime.

But I’m knackered atm so it will have to wait until at least tomorrow…

Well I’m sitting here at qurster to nine, feeling completely shattered and unhappy.

The most perverse thing is that the reason I am feeling that way? Nothing. Complete nothing.

I need to find something to fill the gaps. I’m operating mostly on autopilot at the moment. Eat-work-eat-bed, I know that I need this period to get myself straight and financially stable again, and I’m building to get somewhere I want to be, it just hurts so much being where I am at the moment, remembering where I was and looking to where I want to be.

But nothing begets nothing and the longer I sit around with nothing to do, the more I feel like doing nothing. Still I get a holiday next week and I can’t wait to get away with friends again

Dear Blog

It’s been a while since I last communicated with you. It’s nothing personal, I just haven’t felt like writing much recently.

Life is okay. Nothing much happening in general. Some recent highlights which I shall post about when I have the energy.

I’m still here though and I should hopefully have more reason/inclination to post in the immediate future.

Thetallone